Sh*t expats in Morocco say

You know the Youtube videos called “Sh*t uni students say”, “Sh*t girlfriends say”, “Sh*t Italian moms say”? We didn’t make a video but here’s the list we compiled of random stuff you might hear from the lips of expats in Morocco. Originally posted in our Facebook group, English Speaking Gangsta Hot Mammas of Rabat and its Environs, I thought it was too good to be left lost and unread in cyberspace. My thanks goes out to contributors Sara, Feriba, Jessica, Becky and Asal.

Disclaimer #1: these are all very much tongue in cheek, a self-parody to be read with humour. Maybe it’s a “had to be there” kind of story, but if you’ve ever lived abroad you can probably relate to some of these! And if not, these give a (cynical) insight on the funnier sides of life as an expat in Morocco.
Disclaimer #2: sorry about the bad language. It’s the Gangsta Mammas’ fault.

Shit expats in Morocco say:
“Where can I get brownie mix?”
“Where can I get tampons?”
“Where can I get cranberry juice for my UTI?”
“Ever since we got the Morocco Mall, living in Casa is just like living in Dubai.”
“I still haven’t seen any camels.”
“After trying many different kinds of margarine, I’m still wondering: is there any butter in Morocco that tastes a bit like ‘our European’ butter?”
“I am SHOCKED by the cows on the roadside. Someone should report it.”
“Costa is coming to Morocco!!!!!!”
“Ikea is coming to Morocco!!!!!!”
“M&S is coming to Morocco!!!!!!”
“I can’t believe how people drive here.”
“How can I use a fake IP to stream NBC?”
“Do the kids have school next week?”
“Sorry I can’t make it to lunch today. The kids’ school is closed apparently.”
“Is tomorrow a bank holiday or is it Tuesday? When do we find out?”
“Oh have you tried the salad at Piccolos? It’s amazing…”
“Don’t try the salad at Piccolos. It’s horrible now.”
“You should go, it’s great. They serve wine there.”
“I heard there’s a clinic where the nurses don’t take bakshish.”
“When your friend comes to visit you, can they bring me some chocolate chips and coconut oil?”
“Could ask your cousin to bring me a pregnancy’s worth of folic acid and a large tub of Sudocrem please?”
“is this organic? Orrrrganicccc?! Whats organic in Arabic?”
“And then that asshole tried to cut me in line.”
“Do you know where I could find kale?”
“Is there ANY bacon in this country?”
“I got in a fight today in Marjane.”
“I got in a fight today at the gas station.”
“I got in a fight today at Labelvie.”
“I got in a fight last week at the mall.”
“Oh, you don’t know about the ‘pork lady’? You have to go to her, she makes living here more bearable.”
“I have to make a wine run to Spain before Ramadan!!! I only have three days before? ***MUST NOT PANIC***!!!!”
“I’ll just boil the kettle for some tea.” “WAIT! I have to unplug all the radiators first.”
“I’ll just make some toast.” “WAIT! I have to turn the washing machine off first.”
“Shit! There’s no toilet paper… Shit shit! I don’t have any in my purse either. What do I have to use… Receipt? No, too rough… Oh well, what article of clothing can I get away with losing?… Sock it is!”
“You can make it yourself!! If you can’t you’re obviously not up for this lifestyle and should move back to the States.” (trail mix, good pizza, dunkin’ donuts, brownies, maple syrup, corn syrup, golden syrup, moby wraps, tampons, canned pumpkin pie mix, puff pastry, pie crusts)
“Oh, wait, you don’t have access to the Embassy store? I’ll get you whatever you want, just let me know!” (*never see this person again, ever*)

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3 thoughts on “Sh*t expats in Morocco say

  1. Truly a good list and I remember when these things (well, my version as an expat in ’80’s) bothered me, and then one day you forget that you ever needed any of the pre-packaged/pre-mixed/pre-pared things because your needs have taken on another norm and you realize that you have become… UNFLAPPABLE. (Another subject for discussion.) xxx

    Like

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